If I remember correctly, it was about two hours after I got married to my first husband that I knew I had made a mistake. Why then? Well, it’s like this. I was living behind ‘rose colored glasses.’ I just thought it was what I was supposed to do. The church where we met did not believe in kissing, or even hugging, prior to marriage. All we could do was hold hands.

For the honeymoon, he took me on a Civil War tour in Virginia. After all, Virginia is for Lovers…yeah right! What a disaster. He had no thought of what I would have liked to do for our honeymoon. It was all about him.

It would have been better for me to stop the marriage at that time early on, but being the good Christian person that I was, I decided to make a go of it. I was committed, come hell or high water.

Well, that’s exactly what happened. Our first child ended up being disabled with Autism. Years of training, hurt and pain came with him. Don’t get me wrong. I love my son, but the toll it put on me and our family was a nightmare.

I had two more children after that. Why, you ask? It was what I was supposed to do. Do I regret it? No, not one bit. Was it hard? Was it a struggle? You bet it was. So much so, that I ended up clinically depressed, nearly having a nervous breakdown.

My husband, was no help at all; taking no control over anything. He got fired from several jobs and ‘forgot’ to tell me about it. And I was told he was a ‘flasher’ at one of the jobs he worked at. Now isn’t that a pleasant thought (sorry for my sarcasm…it’s one of my coping mechanisms.)

It just went from bad to worse. I didn’t know him. He didn’t know me. We were involved in a cultish church which I desperately wanted to leave, but my husband couldn’t understand why. He allowed another church to cut locks of hair from my children so they could be baptized, and that was the final ‘straw.’

I finally asked for a divorce. Little did I know what was ahead of me. If I had known what I was going to be up against, I might have stayed in the marriage. But God had bigger plans for me.

Although I finally got out of the marriage, I made a whole other problem start. And that was the divorce. At first, things went okay. My ex-husband was actually nice about the whole thing. But then he met who I like to call the wicked witch of the west. Or, in other words, Satan’s spawn. Or, if you go by the Family Court Judge’s rendition, she was known as the “stepmonster.” Yes, she was, and still is, that bad.

I don’t want to forget the title of this post, “A Bad Marriage,” so let me jump back to that. I was married for 12 years. It was heartbreaking really to state the obvious. Breaking free was what I really needed, but I felt very guilty in making the move to leave my husband. Not because I didn’t deserve it, but because I had always been taught to stick it out. That divorce was wrong and I should do all in my power to stay. And most of all, God doesn’t like divorce.

What I’ve learned since that time is that it was okay to leave my husband. Jesus knew it was a bad marriage and I didn’t need to be there. Sometimes it’s just that way. We need to be somewhere else, or with someone else. And that’s what I needed. I didn’t know how it was going to work out, but I believe God literally brought me out of that marriage so that He could bless me in a different way. And I’m so glad He did.

My children are all grown now, but not without some hardships. They may need some therapy , but they will be stronger for all the things they’ve had to endure. Not that I would wish it on anyone, but how does that song go, ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?’ (Kelly Clarkson) I believe that!!

Jesus is a good God. He doesn’t expect us to stay in a situation that’s totally unreasonable. If we make a mistake, we should be quick to admit it and correct it. Sadly, I waited way too long and things only got worse.

I’m not a counselor and I’m certainly not God, but if you’re in a situation that needs correcting, I would recommend fixing or changing your situation as soon as you can. Things may not come out the way you figure they will, but at least you gave it your best shot and you love yourself enough to know when it’s time to move on.

Until my next post, God bless you.