Well, I had full intentions of moving to Florida last week, but I never made it. The job that I finally got was with the government. Great benefits, days off, etc…but getting that job was like pulling teeth from a polar bear while he’s awake. I had to take a physical, get fingerprinted and filled out at least 15-20 forms before they would even consider me. But in the end, I got the job. Whew!

Then, I had to get an apartment while still waiting to hear back from the job. That was a nightmare too because there are only so many apartments and they don’t hold it very long. So before I was given a ‘final’ job offer from the government, I lost the apartment, because they would not hold it any longer.

In the end I did get the apartment and then had to go through the setting up of electric, water, trash, and internet. I was not going to get cable because the apartment was already too expensive. So, I spent a half day (while working my current full time job) getting all that done.

Then I had to start packing. I had about 10 boxes, my clothes and some furniture. Because my husband was going to take me down to Florida, he had to have a ride back, so we thought, “let’s get a hitch for the car, we’ll take one of those enclosed trailers, drop off the trailer in Florida, and then he would have a ride home.” So we reserved a trailer the size we needed and when the day finally came, my husband went to pick up the trailer.

Well, they looked at his car and told him, “you can’t pull this trailer with your car. It will tear up your transmission the minute you go over a hill.” Frantic, he asked the dealer what he should do. They told him he needed to rent a truck that could haul his car on the back. But they didn’t have any. So, off he goes looking for a truck and a car hauler. He was able to find them, but they were at two different locations.

We finally got everything to our house and loaded up the truck. Now mind you we had to do this without the car hauler attached, so we left it at the dealership to pick up the next morning on our way out of town. My son came to help us load the truck and we finally got done.

The next morning we go to pick up the car hauler and get the car loaded up. That part went okay. But…about 2 hours down the road the truck started making a really loud noise and we had to pull over. After waiting an hour for service to come, they said it was indeed a good thing we had pulled over as the alternator was going out and we would have broken down eventually.

So, there we were 2 hours later and still no alternator. Mind you, we were in the hills of Kentucky where you can only guess how good or bad it is. The end result was that the truck, with all my belongings in it, had to be towed back to our house to unload it and get a new truck. Well…by this time, I was more than having second thoughts about whether I should even be going to Florida. It was a big decision in the first place, and with Covid out there, well, let’s just say it wasn’t the smartest decision I’ve ever made.

So, not having to unload and load the truck again, I simply decided I wasn’t going to go. I know that seems like a rash decision sitting here reading this, but it was the culmination of many hours thinking about what the right thing to do is. While we were sitting at that gas station in the hills, I saw no less than 3 other hauling trucks driving up on the interstate. Of all the ones that were to break down, why mine?

I believe God puts ‘roadblocks’ in our way if He wants us to choose a different path. Although I also believe He would still be with me had I continued on, the better choice for me was to stay where I am.

So, I have no job, I had to let the job know I wasn’t coming, I had to call the apartment and cancel the lease (which they allowed me to do by the way), and call all the services to cancel them in Florida.

What an ordeal. Then after all that I went through for all of the above, I melted into a deep depression due to the changing of all my plans to spend time at the beach and work in Florida. I’ve since gotten better thanks to my husband. We’ve been working toward getting a van and converting it into a camper so we can spend our retirement on the road and spending weeks at the beach. I’m so glad.

So even though my plans didn’t work out, I actually am better off where I am. Yay!!!

Until my next post, God bless you.

If you ever saw the movie, The Last Crusade (an Indiana Jones thriller), you may remember the scene where Indiana Jones has to have faith to walk across a chasm to get to the other side which appears totally foolish. It seems as though one step forward would take him plunging hundreds of feet to his death. But, what happens is he takes his first step only to learn that the narrow passage that goes across the chasm is an optical illusion against the wall on the other side, creating what looks like no way to cross. He throws stones on his pathway and is able, by seeing the stones, to cross over.

It’s like that!! Faith, that is. Sometimes when things look completely impossible, you find that if you simply jump out there, God has not only been pushing you along, but He is also holding you hand.

So, that brings me to my recent issues. It appears I will be moving to Florida after all. I’m very excited about my adventure and already have an apartment lined up. All I need is the final offer in writing. I’ve had a pre-employment physical, fingerprinting, forms to fill out, and security checks. Soooo, I’m just waiting. (See my blog on Waiting and Indecision in the menu.)

It’s truly a leap of faith for me to move too. I have no idea what the city is like, no idea about the apartment I’ve rented and no idea about the surroundings of my job. So, although I’m excited, I’m also leery…just a little. I will need some confidence going into my job on the first day. And my biggest fear is that the previous renter in my apartment is a smoker. If you’re not a smoker, you know what I’m talking about.

So, as soon as I get the notice, I will know the day I start my new job and then I can plan accordingly for the move. I hope and pray that all goes well. I will have to take only the bear necessities with me as my car is not a van, or SUV. It’s just a sedan. But the one thing I know I’ll need is my recliner. I may have to sleep on it if I can’t get a bed right away. So the recliner does come in two parts, so I’m hoping it will fit in the back seat in two pieces. The other essentials are a no brainer. I will need clothes, kitchen items, bath items, shoes, etc…nothing elaborate. I will have to live out of boxes for a while. But, I love living as a minimalist. It’s so much easier to take care of less items.

I know that dreams sometimes don’t come true, but it could be a matter of timing. You may have to learn a few more life lessons before God believes you’re ready to take that leap. And remember…He knows you better than you know yourself, so trust His judgement on that.

Taking a leap of faith for anything is sometimes what God wants from us; to show Him we are serious about trusting Him and living a life that’s meant to be for Him. Sometimes it’s as small as sending someone a text or making that phone call you’ve been putting off. What are you waiting for?

Until next time, God bless you.

So, I did get the job, tentatively, in Florida that I’ve been wanting for a while and it seems I will be moving soon. The distance is like 600 plus miles away; too far to make weekend visits. So, I’m getting ready for my trip and starting to think about all the items I will need to take with me. However, there’s one aspect of this adventure I need to mention…the uneasiness of what’s waiting for me.

For one thing, alligators. I don’t like them. Never have, never will. And I don’t like sweltering heat like Florida usually has, but where I live now is not a bed of roses either. However, I do get to experience the seasons where I am now which is a good thing.

Another thing that kind of worries me are the hurricanes. Although I will be living inland from the coast, a good sized hurricane is likely to cause extreme weather conditions in central Florida. So, I’m not really looking forward to that.

And then just the feeling of not knowing where everything is is likely to cause some stress. Where I am now, I can drive and not really pay attention to where I’m going. When I get to Florida I will have to look at my GPS just to get to a Walmart.

And then, of course, there’s Covid. Yes, the deadly killing disease that has taken so many lives. This is a good reason to be afraid, but there’s also a means of keeping safe. If you do all the things the Health Departments are saying, there’s no need to be afraid. Staying safe is merely a matter of wearing a mask and gloves, and if you have to go out, stay at least 6 feet away from others and don’t take unnecessary risks…like eating out, going to the mall, shopping for nothing you actually need. Take advantage of pick up services at your local Walmart or grocery. Even retail shops are using this service. Soon the vaccine will be available to everyone and we will hopefully get back to some normalcy.

So, all I’m saying is there are a lot of situations where the unknown can cause stress and fear. Getting a medical procedure done, moving, getting married, getting divorced, a new job, a new house, a loved one dying….and the list goes on. It’s perfectly natural to wonder what will happen in the future. In that regard we are all equal. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring.

The Bible has something to say about that. In Matthew 6:35 Jesus says: “Therefore, do not be anxious [worried] for tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Even Jesus recognized the troubles of His time and had to endure those things like everyone else. But, He gives us a reason not to worry and advise on how to handle it. Just don’t worry. If it’s going to happen, it will.

I’m excited about my adventure and I hope it all works out and I will be taking it one day at a time…not worrying about all the ‘what ifs.’ I’ll deal with those things as they come up. And I’m sure they will come up, since history tends to repeat itself.

So, the gist of this message is to enjoy the moment of life in the present. Don’t live in the past, and don’t worry about the future. Life is happening now and it’s now that it must be lived. My life is on the downhill side and I want to do the things now that I will no longer get to do in just a few short years. So off I go…

Until my next post, God bless you.

I’m in a position right now of indecision. I’m waiting for answers. Like everyone, I’m waiting for the COVID virus to be gone. What a terrible time in our lives with the virus. It’s now the leading cause of death in the US. And…I’m waiting for a job to come through.

Waiting is one of those things we all have to do. We have to wait for stop lights, orders, jobs, time, people, bathrooms, appointments, food, vacations, a day off, feeling better, the birth of a child, a new house, a child to do what they should, and many more.

Waiting is hard. It’s frustrating. It can lead to anxiety which can make you sick. It can lead to depression, for me anyway. I’ve been waiting for a job to open up in Florida. I’m right at the cusp at getting what I hope is a good job, but I’m not sure if after I get it, if I do, that I will take it. So not only am I waiting to find out the answer, I’m in a point of indecision as to whether or not I really want to pull up stakes and move several hundred miles away to take the job.

Then, I’m not sure if once they would offer the position to me, if they will offer enough money for me to live on. So I also have that to worry about. Is it really worth it in the long run? I don’t know. A lot depends on the offer. I need to secure a certain amount in order to move…and that’s if they even offer it to me.

The Bible has some things to say about waiting on the Lord. Isaiah 40:31 says that “those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength.” The will of others also play a role in our waiting. So, what I take from this is that God can give us strength during these times of waiting on others to do what they should, but many times that doesn’t happen. We live on the actions of others.

The Lord can intervene for us, but He too is restricted by the the will of others. He can’t make us do anything. It’s like the old saying: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. It’s the same with people. The Lord can lead us, but He can’t make us do anything. He waits too for our decisions to be made.

I will say from past experience that although waiting and indecision can drive anyone nuts, once a decision is actually made and you start moving toward that, you feel a lot better. A weight is removed and you can breathe a sigh of relief.

So, I’m waiting for this job to come through and hopefully I will find out soon. I’ll keep everyone posted on that. In the meantime I’m trying to be patient and fill my time with cleaning, writing and whatever else I can do.

So, let’s wait with the Lord on His plans for us and pray that we all get what we are waiting for. I know I will be very relieved when a decision is made.

Until my next post, God bless you.

Have you ever heard a child lie? You know full well they are lying and you want to give them every opportunity to tell the truth, but they just can’t seem to do it. I know a lot of adults who do the same thing. Only sometimes their lies are harder to detect, mostly because they’ve had years of practice, and most times their lies hurt other people, some intentionally.

I’ll give you a great example. My husband, who I won’t name, works at a particular place of employment, which I won’t name, in a room with 5 women, also of whom I won’t name. He has been the recipient of lying tongues that wag so much it has hurt his reputation at his present place of employment. In fact, it happened years earlier at another place of employment so much so, that he was unable to get his same job back several years after he had to leave for a medical emergency.

And do you know why they lied about him? It was all because he told the truth. I’m amazed at how many people lie in their jobs, or elsewhere, in order to ‘save face’ and how quickly these same people are to pass the blame onto someone else.

Where have all the honest people gone? Did they all die and go to heaven? I don’t think so, but they are far and few between. The lying tongues remind me of a Bible verse that clearly sums up the actions of these women. James 3:8 says: “But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.”

That verse says, in essence, that a person needs to train themselves to be truthful. I know that sounds kind of silly, but pardon the pun, it’s the truth. But if we have Jesus as our Lord, it’s not as hard to be truthful with others, and ourselves.

These ladies that continually throw darts and arrows with their tongues don’t have the privilege of standing tall by telling the truth. They would rather “perish” as described in Proverbs 19:9, than to live being blessed with God’s favor by speaking the truth and being honest.

My husband is by far one of the most honest, respectful people I know. It’s one of the bigger reasons I married him to begin with. He’s kind, gentle and compassionate. Yes, he has a rough side, who doesn’t? But only when pushed to the limit. So, to lie about him and say things that simply are not true is really low. In the situation he was in, he finally called a meeting with all of them in front of the Human Resource Director. In the end, he blasted all of them for lying and they reluctantly conceded.

Sadly, they are still up to their old antics and probably always will be. Evil is like that. So my husband continues to work there for now, but I’m sure God has plans for these ladies for which we may or may not get to see in time. And my husband will find a different place to work. Until then, evil will continue to challenge the good of this earth and God will continue to watch in sadness.

Until my next post, God bless you.

Lately, I’ve been feeling trapped in almost every aspect of my life. My house? I’d like to move, but where does one go? The cost of housing in my neck of the woods hasn’t gone down. In fact, if I wanted to buy the house I’m currently living in, I wouldn’t be able to afford it. Nice idea if I have to sell it, but not so good on trying to find another place to stay. So in the end, I stay where I am.

I feel trapped in my job. And here’s the thing; I don’t dislike my job, I just feel trapped in it. So what do I spend all my free time doing? Looking on the internet for another job. But finding a higher paying job for what I do is nearly impossible. I could find a different kind of job, but again the salary is questionable. So what do I do? I stay at my job.

I feel trapped in my relationships. It’s not that I don’t love my significant other. It’s just that I get so frustrated with him at times and then all I want to do is be alone. After all, I’m a loner at heart. I want my own apartment so I can decorate the way I want to. I don’t want someone telling me what to do all the time. I just want my freedom. Sometimes I feel as though I would bust if I don’t get out of here. So what do I do? I tell my significant other about my feelings and break his heart.

And then, I realize what I’ve done and come back down to reality. Or rather, God brings me back. Jesus explains to me, while I’m sleeping, that even though things can be tough at times, I’m so much better off where I am, with the person I love and who loves me, and working at my job. And I know He’s right. But just sometimes…

So what do you do when you feel trapped? Do you keep striving until your situation changes? Sometimes that’s what needs to happen. And other times, it’s just our stupid selves trying to make a pretty good situation, bad.

God is still working with me folks and I can say He’s got His hands full with this one. What’s good to know though is that He has hands for everyone who has problems. He loves us all and can simultaneously work on each one of us as though we were His only child. We can then share notes and compare. He tells one of us one thing, and another something else. It’s His gifts when you think about it. Jesus has so much compassion and He loves to care for those who need Him.

I need to remember that the grass ALWAYS looks greener on the other side, and sitting on the fence is a pretty dangerous place to be. I need to be committed to where I am, what I do and who I love. From there, happiness can be more of a realistic goal and not just some pipe dream. I really can be happy on this side of the fence. I know you can be happy too. Let’s do it. Let’s be happy.

Until next time, God bless you.

I’d like to think that I’m not really that old, 61 this week, and although many would disagree with me, many would not. I find that my body doesn’t want to do the same things it did just a few years ago and certainly won’t do what I used to do in my 20’s. Much of this is my own fault though. I don’t take care of myself like I should.

But I’m still working and walking. I still drive a car and eat spicy foods. Thanks be to God I don’t get sick too often. An occasional runny nose or cold, but I’m doing quite well. What I hate to see are those people who are either dying of Covid, who are my age, or younger, and those who die of a heart attack or stroke that are my age. I also know that many people die of natural causes when they are in their 70’s. Well, that’s just a hop, skip and a jump from where I am.

It truly is scary getting old, and not just because things get harder to do, but because it makes one start thinking about what happens after we die. I’m trusting God on that one. He says if you believe in Jesus and that He loves you, you will go to heaven. Of course, even the devil believes in Jesus, but I don’t think Lucifer will be in heaven with us.

There’s a certain condition that surrounds grace. I know, grace is grace and you can’t debate with that. But Jesus, in one of His talks with me lately, brought up an interesting issue. He told me that not all who believe in Jesus will actually go to heaven. Even some in my own family! The condition: You might think you know Him, but does He know you?

I’m not sure who He was talking about in my family. I didn’t ask. Maybe someday I will. But right now I didn’t want to know. Interesting that we could be so presumptuous as to think we will go to heaven when in fact Jesus has other plans for us. I would say for those, and myself included, grace comes with humility. Let us remember who is saving who.

But back to getting old, it has it’s merits too. Like, we have many of the hard lessons behind us and we are now reaping from all the hard work we put into this life. I get to enjoy my golden years with the man I love and my children. Well, not all my children. As you may recall from earlier posts, my oldest son who I will call Mark, is still living with his father and step mother. I’ve not seen him for many years.

So getting old can take a toll on anyone, but the closer I get to the end of my life, the happier I am, as I can’t wait to meet Jesus face to face. It will be like no other time in my life. I hope it’s that way for you too.

Until my next post, God bless you.

Being overweight has been a lifelong burden on me. If you are the same, you know exactly what I mean. I’ve lost and gained more pounds than I can count up to and I’m still struggling with it. In other words, I’m still overweight.

It started so many years ago and I really don’t know why. Maybe it was because by the time I came along (I was the fourth child in 5 years) my mother was too tired of trying?? Who knows. But all my baby pictures point to the fact that I was simply born this way. “And there’s Nancy, the little chubby one with the blond hair. Isn’t she just the cutest thing you ever saw?”

Well, chubby cute doesn’t make it past 3 years old. All I can remember was being teased in school for being a chunk. And in those days, or in the present, it hurts just as bad. Being overweight is a burden. It’s a chore. It’s a tragedy.

Because no matter how badly I (we) feel, no amount of hurting will motivate me to do better. In fact, the depression sets in over not being ‘acceptable’ and I tend to go straight to the kitchen pantry when I feel this way.

Yes, I’ve gotten up the gumption to lose weight. Even a lot of weight and I was so proud, as was everyone else. But, I could never keep it off. I ALWAYS gained it back. And that’s where I am today.

So, how do you fix it, one asks? Well, without the gumption and the right foods, it’s just plain hard. And it’s sad that the world judges us based on our looks, because some of the nicest, smartest, and funniest people I know are overweight. It’s been an honor to know some of these people too. And I’m not saying this for myself. I truly believe that you won’t find people like us in the skinny jeans section of your local department store.

Some of the most hurtful words ever spoken to me were, “I’m embarrassed to be seen with you in public,” because of my weight problem. Now, I’m not hundreds of pounds overweight. I could stand to lose about 50 pounds and be okay, but did I deserve what was said to me? By my father? I don’t think so. But at age 18, it really cut me to the core. Does he even remember that he said this to me? Probably not.

All I’m saying is that some of us who tip the scale in the upward direction have a lot to offer this world and we shouldn’t be judged based on our outward appearance. In fact, God Himself doesn’t look at the outside. He judges us by our hearts. And I’m so very glad He does. Read 1 Samuel 16:7 and you will find that “God does not see as man sees. For man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Does this mean we shouldn’t try to eat better and exercise? No, but it does help our hearts to know that God is MORE interested in our heart and how we treat others. So let’s treat ourselves to good, wholesome foods (just not too much) and we’ll live a happier and healthier life.

Until my next post, God bless you.

This is my second post on depression. I guess it’s because I struggle with this more than anything else, and tonight was filled with it. I know I do it to myself. I listen to music. Not just any old music, but what I call ‘memory music.’ The tunes I listen to bring back those memories of my past. My sad past.

Although taking medication for depression makes it much better for me, it doesn’t help to know that I also can’t ‘feel’ very much while taking these drugs. So when I want to ‘feel’ something, I have to listen to music. It brings out those sad feelings. And I like it because it makes me ‘feel’ something!! Does that make sense?

Mostly, I get upset about my children. I love them each as much as any mother could love her child. My oldest, who I will call Mark, has autism. He was a special kind of hurt in my life. The child who never really ‘got it.’ There was only one time in my life to this point, where he actually hugged me.

It was just after he got upset with me and knocked me down (he is VERY strong.) I was so shocked that he had done that, that I nearly cried. My other two children had been in the room at the same time and started yelling at him. It was an awful moment. The story is much longer than I can write here, but suffice it to say, his dad, my ex, had a lot to do with why Mark got so upset in the first place.

Anyway, I listened to music tonight that reminded me of how much I miss him. I miss not just him as he is now, but as he might have been without autism. I wonder what kind of man he would have turned out to be if he had been ‘normal.’ His father and stepmother (aka: stepmonster) is watching out for him now. Sadly, I haven’t seen him in 11+ years.

I miss all my children when they were small. They are all grown now and on their own, and I love them all. While I was a really good mom (I still am), the constant fighting with their dad and his wife made those years go by so fast with my kids right in the middle.

It’s also a sign now that I’m getting older…yet another struggle I want to write about in the future.

Yes, God brought me out of a lot of that depression and tomorrow is another day. I’m so glad that God allows me these times of reflection, but doesn’t let me stay here too long. I love my music and love that it makes me ‘feel.’ God bless music!

Until my next post, God bless you!

It’s a time in history that is new to all of us. Covid 19 has taken over our lives. And with it comes isolation for many of us. There are those who don’t wish to believe it’s a problem, but it is what it is. Hundreds of thousands of people have died and many more will come to the same dreaded end. In the meantime, many more of us will be hiding inside our houses and apartments.

And while we hide away in our little domiciles, we come to do all kinds of different things. We clean, cook, eat and watch TV. We’ve cleaned out the garage, twice, mowed the lawn, raked the leaves, power washed the deck and re-stained it. We’ve cleaned out the attic and even turned it into a little man cave. We’ve watched more TV and eaten all the food we bought to put in the freezer.

And then it starts; the terrible boredom sets in. We’ve done all else we can do. We’ve wearied our eyes out looking at our phones and TV. So, what could we possibly do next.

Well, if you’re anything like our household, you’ll open the refrigerator several times, look out the windows to see what the weather is doing, and you might even call a family member to see what they’ve been doing. It turns out, always, that they’re doing exactly what you’re doing; being bored.

Then maybe, we start to daydream a little about what we would do if we had a lot more money or if we didn’t have to work. I’d go to a beautiful beach somewhere so I could look at the ocean waves. I’d watch the seagulls as they swoop down to find the nearest morsel of food. I’d squeeze my toes into the sand and let the sun shine brightly on my face. I might even take a dip in the ocean since in my imagination there are no sharks about.

And then, I would come back to my ‘real life’ and gather my thoughts. I would be saddened once again by the sameness of everything. And that’s where it becomes hard. It’s hard to be bored. It’s hard to find things to do around the house. If the weather is nice, taking a walk is always good, or working in the garden. Maybe you like to cook or bake. Making a nice cake or a special dinner might help. Getting the motivation to do these things is hard, but once you pull out that recipe or put your tennis shoes on, it becomes another adventure.

Maybe starting a blog about any hobbies that you like doing might be nice. That would be good if you like to write. Whatever you do, do something. Overcoming boredom is hard, but you have to start with something. Anything.

In the end, there needs to be something to do. Anything you can do to not sleep away the day or eat yourself out of house and home is what needs to be done. Painting, drawing, singing, learning an instrument, sewing, making a craft. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be you!

Whatever you decide to do, do it to the best of your ability. I’m sure that when you do, you’ll not only be not bored, but you’ll be happy with your projects.

Until my next post, God bless you.